Blue Velvet
by Mercuria
Summary: On the night of (yet another) dance ... Kurt thinks Scott is still in love with Jean, Scott is trying to get Kurt to stop thinking, and Amanda Concocts a Foolproof Plan. S/K slash.


Mercuria: This little ficlet is mainly to let off steam about a more serious fanfic that I am trying to write ... *growls* This is completely pointless, (hopefully) funny fluff. I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Warnings: Contains slash (Scott/Kurt) and swearing ... oh, and overused plot devices. OOCness abounds.  
  
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution is obviously not mine, and I would like to not be sued, thank you very much. The song, "Blue Velvet" is not mine either, which I should hope would be equally obvious.  
  
**********  
  
"Woohoo, a dance!" cried Kitty Pryde, skipping down the hallway.   
  
"I don't get why ... wasn't there just one last week?" Rogue demanded sourly from somewhere behind her. Kitty ignored her and continued to skip.  
  
"Why am I CURSED with so many dances and parties?" Rogue demanded of the heavens. "I KNOW I CAN'T TOUCH ANYONE, OKAY?"  
  
Evan blinked as he came around the corner.  
  
"Yo Kitty," he said out of the corner of his mouth, "what's with Rogue?"  
  
"Oh, it's her no-touching thing," Kitty said wisely. Kitty was always the one to explain this, because (or so Rogue thought on her especially gloomy days) Kitty was the only one who observed Rogue enough to notice.   
  
"You ready to party, Evan?" Kitty asked, a happy gleam in her eyes.  
  
"You know it!" Evan replied. "I'm even bringing my skateboard!"  
  
"Oh," Kitty said, blinking. "Um, wasn't there, like, a rule against that after you smashed the punch bowl?"  
  
Evan shrugged. "Maybe."  
  
"Come on," Rogue snapped from the head of the stairs. "If we've got to go to this lousy dance, let's just GO already."  
  
"Just a minute," Kitty admonished. "We have to wait for the others!"   
  
"Jean's already down there, I think," Evan said.   
  
"Okay ... but where are Kurt and Scott?"   
  
**********   
  
"I'm just a Jean replacement, aren't I?" Kurt demanded sullenly as he looked for his shoes.   
  
"No!" Scott replied a bit too quickly. "Er, I mean, what makes you say that?"  
  
"Well, nothing, really," Kurt said, straightening up. "Just that you keep insisting that red is my color-"  
  
He tugged at the dark red shirt he was now wearing.  
  
"Maroon doesn't clash TOO badly with your fur."  
  
"You've been saying Jean's name in your sleep-"  
  
"Nightmares."  
  
"And do I even have to mention the time you reprogrammed my image inducer?"  
  
"I didn't mean to give you breasts, Kurt, I swear!"  
  
Kurt shuddered at the memory and busied himself with the task of finding his shoes.  
  
'Dammit,' Scott thought to himself. 'He's on to me.'   
  
It was quite clear to Scott that he needed to redeem himself in Kurt's eyes very quickly, or there would be no cuddling for him that evening.  
  
Grinning in an uncharacteristically devilish manner, Scott crept up behind Kurt; who was now opening drawers and spilling the contents onto the floor in search of his elusive footwear. Suddenly, and without any warning whatsoever, he grabbed Kurt by the tail and yanked him into his arms.   
  
"Scott," said an irritated Kurt, "I need to find my-"  
  
"If you were really a Jean replacement," Scott said, trying to make his voice husky (and realizing belatedly that it sounded sort of like he had a cheese grater stuck in his throat, but at that point there was no helping it), "would I enjoy doing ... THIS?"  
  
He bent Kurt backwards and kissed him. Up his neck, across his jawbone ... Kurt's tail slowly wrapped around Scott's waist, and he giggled a little as Scott's free hand brushed over some of his more ticklish areas, coming to rest on his-  
  
"Hey, Scott, Kurt!"   
  
"DAMMIT!" Scott exclaimed. He had been oh-so-close to making Kurt forget about all those questionable Jean-related incidents ... and then some MORON had to go and ruin it.  
  
Kitty phased through the closed door. Kurt and Scott leapt apart (or rather, Kurt quickly removed his tail from Scott's waist and Scott dropped him).  
  
"Um, are you two, like, okay?" Kitty asked.  
  
"Y-yeah!" Kurt replied quickly, leaping to his feet. "I was just looking for my shoes!"  
  
"Oh," Kitty said, blinking. "Well, like, hurry up, will you? Everybody's waiting."  
  
Scott and Kurt nodded. Giving them one last odd look, Kitty disappeared the way she had come in.  
  
"Whew! That was close!" Kurt said after she had gone, collapsing onto his bed.  
  
"Yeah," Scott replied, still angry at Kitty for spoiling his seduction of Kurt. Okay, so he hadn't really been SEDUCING Kurt ... at all. But dammit, he was mad and he wasn't going to take it anymore.  
  
"Kurt!" he exclaimed. Kurt turned to face him, a little scared by his tone of voice.  
  
"Er, yes?" Kurt said.  
  
Scott tried to think of some way he could yell out, "I'm sick of keeping this a secret, because even though I'm conflicted as hell and am not sure how I would react if Jean were to ask me out, you're damn irresistible and I want to make love to you in public places without worrying!" without being smacked by Kurt.  
  
But he gave up.  
  
"Um, your shoes," he told Kurt lamely. "They're in my room."  
  
"Oh," Kurt said, now remembering to be irked by Scott's Jean-craziness. "Thanks."  
  
Kurt teleported out of the room, leaving Scott alone to ruminate.  
  
'Hm,' he ruminated. 'Kurt really must be pissed about Jean. What is his problem? Okay, so maybe I still like Jean ... a BIT ... but still!'  
  
"All right, I'm ready!" Kurt's voice came from behind the door. Scott rushed to open it and-  
  
Kurt's image inducer was on, and the maroon shirt Scott had forced him to wear now went a lot better with his skin tone. His hair was not very neat, and the anal retentive side of Scott- which was a significant side- wondered what he'd look like with his hair combed back ... maybe even in a ponytail.  
  
"You look great," Scott told him finally.  
  
"Flattery will get you nowhere," Kurt warned, but his expression softened. "Now, come on, let's go!"  
  
Kurt grabbed Scott's arm and teleported.  
  
**********  
  
There was a litany of unspoken agreements made whenever the X-Men attended a social event such as a dance. The first was that Jean was to be left alone so that she could mingle with her popular friends in peace. Another was that Rogue could do whatever the hell she wanted; no one should attempt to coax, bribe, or coerce her into socializing with others.  
  
There was one such understanding that existed between Kurt and Scott only, and it went as follows:   
  
At school dances, at parties, between classes, in the cafeteria, and generally anywhere that was not very, very abandoned, Kurt and Scott were STRAIGHT. Absolutely, uncompromisingly straight.  
  
The unspoken reasons for this were good ones, even though they all seemed to revolve around one basic idea: "Since we've gone to such lengths to make sure people don't find out that we're mutants, why the hell would we want to tell everyone that we're gay?"  
  
Scott knew all this, really he did.   
  
However, it was sort of difficult to remember why you were agreeing to something you'd never even TALKED about when a creepy girl like Taryn was clinging to you and giggling excitedly about marriage. No, Scott's evening was not going particularly well so far.  
  
'At least that Amanda chick isn't hitting on Kurt again,' Scott thought with a small measure of relief. 'Thank God for small favors.'  
  
**********  
  
It's a funny thing about irony: it shows up when you least expect it. Just as Scott was mentally expressing his gratitude for Amanda's absence, said Amanda was Concocting and Consequently Executing a Foolproof Plan for the Seduction of Kurt over by the DJ's table.  
  
"Excuse me!" she called over the music.  
  
"YEAH?" the DJ responded.  
  
"Um, can you play 'Blue Velvet'?"  
  
"SAY WHAT?"  
  
"BLUE VELVET!" Amanda shouted.  
  
"KID, THAT SONG IS FROM THE FORTIES OR SOMETHING!" said the DJ. "NO ONE WILL WANT TO HEAR IT!"  
  
"PLEASE?" Amanda yelled, batting her eyelashes. "I'LL PAY YOU EXTRA!"  
  
The DJ considered this offer.  
  
"OKAY!"  
  
"Awesome," Amanda giggled, thinking of her adorable blue elf and how surprised he would be when the song played. Man, that fur was such a turn-on ...  
  
Completely unaware of her scheme, the rest of the school danced on.  
  
**********  
  
"-and our third child will be named Sundance Grace," Taryn was saying. "And maybe after that we'll get a kitten and name it Jessica ..."  
  
Scott had never wished for death so intensely.   
  
He was about to cry out that yes, he would pledge his eternal soul to Taryn ... when he heard music. And not just the generic loud music that seemed to play at all school dances, either. This sounded like something from the days of Marilyn Monroe, black-and-white television, and other things that teenagers typically associate with the distant past. He strained to hear, and caught the words, "She wore blue velvet ..."  
  
'Blue velvet,' he thought to himself. 'That's like Kurt's fur ... skin ... whatever ... Damn unspoken agreements!'  
  
Scott looked around for Kurt, hoping to at least make heterosexual-seeming eye contact. For his part, Kurt appeared to be in no condition to make eye contact of any variety; he was standing absolutely still, staring at some point across the room.   
  
To Scott's shock and horror, the point across the room was AMANDA- and she was advancing upon the defenseless Kurt with a far-too-sweet smile on her face.   
  
Scott leapt forward in an attempt to rescue his elf from certain doom, but was tragically blocked by Taryn.  
  
"No, Scott!" she cried. "You can't leave now, the song isn't over!"  
  
Over Taryn's shoulder, Scott saw Amanda grab Kurt's wrists and pull him into a rather intimate dance. Kurt gave Scott a helpless look, and Scott let out an angry gargling noise in response.  
  
"What has gotten INTO you?" Taryn demanded, concerned. "Are you feeling all right?"  
  
Scott nodded weakly.  
  
"Okay ... then let's talk about the house we're going to live in!"  
  
**********  
  
Kurt was not having fun.   
  
Yes, he was still sort of mad at Scott for his obsession with Jean ... but not mad enough to try to make Scott jealous. Unfortunately, Amanda had made the decision for him.  
  
"Kurt," she said, as "Blue Velvet" played in the background, "I like you a lot."  
  
"I ... um, I like you too, Amanda!" Kurt said nervously.  
  
"Really?" Amanda cried, her eyes lighting up.  
  
'Oops, that was the wrong thing to say!' Kurt thought. 'I shouldn't encourage her ...'  
  
"I'm so happy!" Amanda said, hugging Kurt tightly. "My Foolproof Plan worked!"  
  
"Foolproof plan?" Kurt gasped as he struggled for oxygen. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I KNEW this music would win you over!" declared Amanda, oblivious to the fact that her love interest was unable to breathe. "Oh, Kurt, we're going to be so happy together ..."  
  
She drew the semiconscious Kurt close, moving to kiss him-  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" someone shrieked from behind her. Amanda whirled around to see Scott Summers bearing down on her, followed by a distraught Taryn.  
  
"Um, hi Scott," Amanda greeted. "What's wrong ...?"  
  
For a moment, Scott looked like he might hit her. Then he took a deep breath, counted to ten, and said politely, "Do you mind if I cut in?"  
  
Amanda blinked.   
  
"If you what?" she said. Scott was very nice, but she really didn't think of him that way. Besides, he just wasn't ... BLUE enough ...  
  
But as it turned out, Amanda was not faced with the task of letting Scott down gently. He gave her a terse nod, looked apologetically at Taryn, and grabbed Kurt's arm.  
  
"Look, I know we agreed not to do this in public," Scott said. "Well, actually, we didn't really agree, it was just one of those instinctive things that goes without saying ... but anyway, I just want you to know that you're really NOT a Jean replacement- well, except sometimes, but those occasions are very rare and can usually be attributed to insomnia or hunger pains- and that I really, really like you and ... will you dance with me for the last thirty seconds of this song?"  
  
Kurt looked at Taryn and Amanda apprehensively, then up at Scott. He smiled.  
  
"What the hell," he said, grinning. "It's not like people AREN'T going to think we're gay if I say no."  
  
Scott glanced around the room. He and Kurt were attracting quite a bit of attention by way of stares and giggles; now he remembered why impulsive things were STUPID.  
  
"Dammit," he muttered.   
  
Unperturbed by these new developments, the music continued. "Bluer than velvet were her eyes ... whoa whoa whoa ... warmer than May her tender sighs ..."   
  
"Fifteen seconds," Kurt said merrily, wrapping his arms around Scott.  
  
And they were the best damn fifteen seconds of his life.  
  
**********  
  
Mercuria: I hope you had fun, because I certainly did. And if this pained you greatly, I'm terribly sorry. Just remember that it's all in fun. (If even that cannot console you, I'm in a bit of trouble, aren't I?) 


End file.
